Royal Thighness

Torn between a little waist and a Little Debbie

Enabling the Change: A Humorous and Informative Discussion About Menopause!

By 178 Comments


I was at a Sisterhood event at my synagogue recently, fanning myself from the heat and sweating like Paula Deen during a butter shortage.
“Is it hot in here, or is it just me?” I asked the ladies at my table.
“It is warm in here,” one of the other women said. But she had been bustling around setting up the buffet. Everyone else said the temperature was just fine.
“I think you’re having a hot flash,” one woman said.
Could it be? I’m 52 – a perfect age for flashing. But I always expected to turn the color of an Oompa Loompa – to feel feverish, flustered and more drenched than the stage at a James Brown concert.
But with the exception of my soaked forehead, none of this happened.
Still, these ladies are mostly midlifers who have been through menopause. I figured they knew more than me. So I reconciled that I was officially menopausal and this must be my own unique style: I’m a sweaty forehead flasher.

That’s what I thought … until I participated in a Google Hangout on “Enabling the Change,” sponsored by Replens vaginal moisturizer. The hangout featured five midlife bloggers and Dr. Mary Jane Minkin, a reproductive health and menopause expert who has written several books for women, including A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Health and A Woman’s Guide to Menopause and Perimenopause (Yale University Press, 2005). Dr. Minkin is a Clinical Professor of Obstetrics, Gynecology and Reproductive Sciences at Yale University School of Medicine and the women’s health advisor to Prevention Magazine.

 

So how do you tell the difference between hot and flash?

With humor, one of the participants in the hangout compared a hot flash to experiencing the “Big O.” (If you have to ask, you haven’t had one.) As opposed to feeling hot from the outside in, she said a flash feels more like heat radiating from the inside out. The doctor agreed. At which point I determined that I have not yet experienced this rite of passage.

Truth be told, I have a lot of extra padding. I’m always hot. I can work up a sweat flossing.

Temperature has been a bone of contention in my marriage for 21 years. When my family lived in Michigan, even in the dead of winter, during a blizzard, I’d get hot during the night and get up to crack the window. Falling asleep again under my cozy comforter in my cold room, my husband would then wake up shivering and close the window. Shortly thereafter, I’d reawaken warm again and open the window. And this tag team temperature changing ritual repeated itself all night, every night.

The hangout made me realize that I had a false-alarm flash. I had really great time, learning from Dr. Minkin and the other women who participated. I have to say, it’s great to be a woman in the 21st Century, able to talk freely and with humor about topics that were once taboo to my mother’s generation.

Dr. Minkin was a wealth of valuable information. Did you know that smokers have worse hot flashes than nonsmokers? So do overweight women. Do you know the difference between a vaginal moisturizer and a lubricant? And speaking of feminine moisture, did you know that if you don’t “use it” you “lose it?” I learned this and so much more.

The hangout was a dynamic discussion with women at all stages of the “change.” I was the token pre-menopausal participant. I still get my monthly cycle, haven’t had night sweats or experienced dryness anywhere on my body, but my husband and daughter can attest to my serial killer mood swings, I’m tired all the time, have a heck of a time losing a quarter of a pound, my hair has thinned and my monthly cycles are so heavy and crampy that I can barely leave the house. Change is clearly around the corner.

I’m kind of disappointed about my fake-out flash, truth be told. Because at 52, having suffered from infertility for all of my childbearing years, I think it’s God’s cruel joke that, in the past few years I’ve had to sit on a towel in my car for a week out of every month… all for parts that never worked as they were intended.

Wherever you are in your life as a woman, I think you’ll get a lot from this fun and informative discussion. There was a lot of personal sharing, a lot of laughing, and a tremendous amount of useful information from one of the country’s leading menopause experts.

This is a conversation worth a listen! I learned so much and hope you do too!

The opinions expressed in this video are those of the participants and are not those of Church & Dwight Co., Inc.

 

 

Replens is the clinically tested, doctor recommended brand of long-lasting vaginal moisturizer. As with dry skin that you experience on your face and hands, regular moisturizing treatment with Replens Long-Lasting vaginal moisturizer may be necessary to prevent dryness from recurring. Replens Long-Lasting vaginal moisturizer is different from most other lotions or lubricants because it contains a patented bio-adhesive ingredient that allows it to attach to dry vaginal cells and deliver continuous moisture for up to three days. Click here to learn more. 

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Comments

  1. Oh wow – sense of humor – hmmmm……….I think it’s kind of a dark “what is going to fall/collapse/implode next” kind of humor! And the fact that it’s all so unpredictable – might as well laugh instead of cry! 🙂

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  3. I think I have had the same pre-flashes that you have had and quite frankly that scares the heck out of me because I find them hard enough to deal with. Oh what good times lie ahead!! Lol! Thanks for an informative post!

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  6. Aging is inevitable. I take vitamins and try to stay healthy. It’s good to keep your sense of humor intact.

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  12. I make sure to do something fun every day, by watching a funny movie, and being active. I play with my dog and he makes me laugh, and I spend time with my son and daughter, and they have a good sense of humor that keeps me upbeat!

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    • I just don’t get why that part of life has to mean growing whiskers. Isn’t 40 years of menstruating enough?

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  18. This is so funny and so very true. My advice is you gotta smile while you are hurting and whistle while you work it! Everyone is going to get this stage and you only live once- so laugh! More importantly, laugh at yourself. You will appreciate it later! 🙂 xo

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  20. I have to laugh about the changes or I’ll cry. I try to take vitamins and keep active to help.

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  21. I keep my sense of humor as I get older by talking to my girlfriends about how things all start to really change at the same time.

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  24. My friends and I love to send funny cards about aging to each other! We try to keep active and not let aging stop us!

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    • I love that you guys do that for each other. There’s no way to get through this without a sense of humor!

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  26. I am post-menopausal (full hysterectomy at 40) and I can tell you that hot flashes are exactly as described at your conversation. It feels like a blast furnace in the center of your chest. I never knew how hot I could get! And night sweats are awful…I’d wake up soaking wet. And then freeze because I was all wet. Cutting back on sugar (in particular chocolate) really helped a lot. Enjoy the ride…the alternative isn’t that great!

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    • Thanks for the sugar tip. I must say, though, it can’t be easy to get through a difficult time without chocolate!

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  27. Like you, I felt like I was going through menopause since puberty. Crazy hormones! When my doctor told me I had actually gone to the other side …post-menopause…I was like, “What?” He said I had the highest FSH he had ever seen and I never really even knew it happened. I guess all of those years of sweating and mood swings finally paid off!

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  30. Hmm good question, probably my silly husband and just making jokes. Getting older sucks for sure but you HAVE to keep your sense of humor about it !:)

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  32. I’m 53 and I am done with menopause. The hardest part for me, I think, was saying goodbye to my last, dusty egg!

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  34. I said I was done with menopause, but it’s not done with me! I’ve got one word for you: dyspareunia. So much for not needing birth control. Haven’t I served my time?!

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  37. My amazing metabolism isn’t so amazing anymore, and my stomach is “puffy” after two kids. But I keep a sense of humor because of them, too! 🙂
    chambanachik(at)gmail(dot)com

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  38. The ” I told you so” conversation with my mother helps me keep a sense of humor when dealing with changes as I get older.
    tcarolinep at gmail dot com

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  40. I keep a sense of humor all the time, and laugh things off, no need worrying cause it just causes more stress.

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  52. Hi Parri-

    I love your sense of humor! This was a very informative discussion, although brief, but I loved that everyone could feel comfortable voicing their concerns to Dr. Minkin, who put you all (and us viewers) at ease with her frankness.

    Having just gone through “the change” myself and having many of the concerns voiced in the video, I am very glad to see some options for dealing with this.

    Hang in there!

    Paula

    Reply

    • Thank you so much for the positive feedback. The discussion was actually an hour, and I never laughed so much while learning so much! I don’t know how they even edited it down to 8 minutes, because it was such a great discussion. I’m so glad you got something out of it! Thanks for reading!

      Reply

  53. I guess hanging out with my funny and delightful friends helps me a lot in keeping a sense of humor when dealing with changes as I get older! Good to have a support group and girlfriends that understand.

    amy [at] utry [dot] it

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  55. Staying positive and having family and friends around that enjoy life help me keep a good sense of humor.

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  66. I am so fortunate to have a fine group of friends and we laugh together about the inevitable. They say misery loves company and it’s true!

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  70. Staying positive and having family and friends around that enjoy life and make me laugh helps me keep a good sense of humor

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  72. I keep my sense of humor by staying humble, and swapping stories with friends.

    Thanks for the chance to win!
    wildorchid985 AT gmail DOT com

    Reply

  75. My ironic outlook never fails me. I have a sort of “well, of course it would be that, how could it not be” attitude about every avalanche, near miss and genuine deep six.

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  76. My ironic outlook never fails me. I have a sort of well, of course it would be that, how could it not be attitude about every avalanche, near miss and genuine deep six.

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  79. What helps me is to discuss with my friends that can relate…we all just laugh together since we are all in the same boat!

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  82. I keep a regular appointment with friends to have burritos and margaritas, as wells as lots of laughs about life. I always head home feeling better.

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  83. How do I keep my sense of humor?? Well… sometimes I don’t! lol but really, the same way I keep my sense of humor about anything. I just roll with it and remind myself that there isn’t anything I can do to stop it so I better just make the best of it! Besides, everything is better when you have a sense of humor 🙂

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  87. Laughter keeps me healthy. I survive by seeing the humor in everything. You can’t laugh and be angry, you can’t laugh and feel sad, you can’t laugh and feel envious

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  91. My family helps me keep a sense of humor. Between my kids, husband and other family, they often get me to laugh.

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  94. trying to take aging in stride, but some things are hard like the topic above. That part of aging sucks! I’m using a topical hormone to help, but honestly, haven’t figured out how to laugh about it yet.
    tvollowitz at aol dot com

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  96. It helps that I’ve always had a good sense of humor.
    Watching my self talk is a huge help.
    thank you

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  98. I just try not to worry about it. There’s nothing I can do to stop so I just go with the flow. Thank you!

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  99. It’s hard to keep a sense of humor when the problems get rough but my husband always makes me laugh. If he compliments me I blame it on his failing eyesight.

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  106. My moms hilarious stories about when she went through the change. LOL she’s so funny and embraces the lighter side of things to make it easier.

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  108. Since aging is inevitable, with dying the only alternative, you can either laugh or cry. i choose to laugh.

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  121. I think just knowing that that it’s only down hill from here, you might as well enjoy what you’ve got now and embrace the change.

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  126. What helps me keep a sense of humor is my husband he always makes me laugh even at the tough things!

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  135. The #1 thing that helps me keep my sense of humor is my partner. Every time I complain about something age related, he will either make a joke about me being vain or say that he loves every wrinkle and sag. 😀

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  138. I’m only 42. In some ways I look forward to not having to worry about having a period again but I’m not really anxious to have hot flashes neither.

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  139. I just remind myself that I’m lucky to have the privilege of getting older – might as well enjoy it!

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  142. I look at my mom and she is aging beautifully as did her mother, so I can look forward to it more positive

    tbarrettno1 at gmail dot com

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  146. What helps me is me. I’ve always been realistic and understand this is a natural thing. As I am going through “the change”, I accept it and even have a sense of humor about it. To stress, feel old, or whatever negativities one may have will only make it worse.

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  148. I just keep telling myself that aging, even with hot flashes and mood swings, sure beats the alternative.

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  153. I make a joke about menopause symptoms. I tell people that if i get really desperate, i’d quit plucking my chin and join the sideshow as the bearded lady.

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  159. the fact that I’m in denial, you see… I’m only 29 and have been so for several years now.. so I don’t need to worry about these body changes & stuff.. nope, not yet

    kc
    kacor7@hotmail.com

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    • And you shouldn’t! Enjoy every minute of your young life! You have a good 20 years or more until you have to worry about all this stuff!

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  161. WHEN I THINK ABOUT HOW BAD MY MOM TOOK THE CHANGES AS SHE GOT OLDER, IT KEEPS ME SMILING AND I THINK ABOUT HOW BAD THEY REALLY AREN’T! =)

    Reply

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