This morning I flossed my top teeth, then the bottom. And when I was done with the bottom, I couldn’t remember if I’d flossed the top. I actually had to stand there a minute to see if the top teeth felt any different. That’s when I realized they tingled a bit from the minty floss.
Last week at work, I walked quickly and with purpose to pick up a document from the printer. I walked at a New York pace right past the printing room and into the kitchen. And I stood there bewildered, wondering why in the world I was there. I didn’t bring any change for a Diet Coke.
So I ask you … a woman with a lot on her mind? Or a sign that I’m one step closer to being spoon-fed Jell-O right before my sponge bath?
Don’t answer that.
Two weeks ago I chaperoned my daughter’s high school Thespian team at the big regional competition. I met three really lovely moms, and one of them definitely acted like we’d met before. A few hours later, we were sitting in the auditorium waiting for a musical number to begin, when I saw her doing some realtor work and had this strange sense of déjà vu. I knew she was a realtor. How did I know that? Had I finally honed my psychic abilities?
“Mom, you are such a loser,” my daughter said on the ride home that night. “We were sitting with the other Danielle and her mom at the Lifetouch studios, when I was waiting to get my senior portraits done. You talked to them for half an hour.”
I had met this woman and her daughter just three weeks before, and I had no recollection of either of them – except that they looked mildly familiar. I just figured we’d run into them at the college fair or a parent-teacher conference. Once my daughter placed them, it all came back to me.
Sometimes I think life just gets so crazy, I don’t stop to take it all in. That’s what I hope this is, anyway … that I’m working full-time and trying to pursue this dream of being a writer at night, while still being active in my daughter’s life this last year before she heads to college … that I’m just tired or distracted and can still fix this train wreck.
I know I’ve gained weight, and my sleep apnea is back, and I hate that damn headgear I’m supposed to wear, because nothing says sexy like a catcher’s mask with an oxygen hose. So I don’t sleep well. And even when it’s not the apnea, I find myself awake at 3 or 4 every morning, panicking over how on earth we’re going to pay for college. I hope that’s what it is … that I’m just so exhausted it’s affecting my short-term memory.
Because the other explanation is terrifying: that my life is turning into a scene from a horror film – and I’m not talking about The Conjuring; I’m talking about The Notebook. Some people go to scary movies and can’t sleep for days, because they’re living in fear of Satan. I’m more terrified that I’ll be slow dancing with my husband, and right in the middle of Moon River, I’ll no longer remember who he is.
I have this recurring nightmare where I find myself in a meat market and I’m crying, because I don’t know where I am. And the butcher keeps asking me who he should call, but I can’t remember.
So that’s the standing joke at our house.
“Oh my GOD, mom. Come back from the meat market.”
“Honey, you’re in the butcher shop again.”
So here’s what I want to know. Why is it that I can remember all the lyrics to every commercial jingle from 1965 to 1995, but I cannot remember why I just walked into a room?
Why can I sing, “Oh Fab, I’m glad there’s lemon fresh and borax in you,” having no idea on earth what borax is, but I can’t remember someone with whom I had a conversation three weeks ago?”
I know that “Honeycomb’s got a big, big bite – big, big taste in a big, big bite,” but I can’t remember where my glasses are, until someone points out that they’re on my head.
A few years ago, I liked that song How to Save a Life, and apparently, I asked my daughter, “Who sings this?” every darn time it was on the radio.
“The Fray, mom,” she’d say. “The same people who sung it yesterday.”
“Cuckoo,” she’d add, pointing at her head and circling her index finger.
But ask me to sing the entire Friday night lineup from 1973 … the themesongs from The Brady Bunch, The Partridge Family, Room 222 and The Odd Couple, topped off with a rousing rendition of Love American Style, and I’m all over it.
I can still recite jingles I used to remember 10th-grade chemistry:
Meth, eth, prop, bute
Organic acids are really cute.
Ane, ene, yne, yl
Shout ‘em for a real thrill!
I remember the Andy Griffith Ritz Cracker commercial I translated into Spanish in the 7th grade and performed in front of the class for extra credit (“Mmm, mmm. Galleta Buena”).
But I cannot remember the name of the lady next door, her husband, her two toddlers, or her golden lab, without stopping to think about it for a minute. Wait, it is a golden lab, right? Or is it a black poodle?
I’ve been told the mind is like an incredible computer. The problem is, how do I hit delete? Do I really need to know all the lyrics to Kung Fu Fighting? I’d like to get that out and make room for something a little more important in there.
I used to get so angry when my grandmother went through every grandchild’s name in the book until she got to mine: “Uh, Linda … Diane … Alan … Scott … Parri. That’s it, Parri.” But that’s me now. Half the time I address my daughter, I start saying my husband Jim’s name first, and it comes out Janielle.
Oh my God. Maybe I’m overweight because I forget that I eat and eat again.
Here’s an even scarier thought:
You know all those missing socks?…
What if I’m the one hiding them?
I have the same issue with people. My husband knows it, so if he’s with me he says something like, “Of course you remember SHELLY, who we met at the PICNIC.” I have to see people like 10,000 times before I remember them. It is crazy.
Also, my husband has a C-Pap machine, too, but he is going to have the surgery to remove his uvula on 12/17. Yes, this will screw up Christmas. Maybe we can do Hannukah instead, depending on when it is this year, and if I spelled it right. Hey, I grew up in South Florida in the 80’s. I can just be Jewish if I want, right? I feel a couple of blogs coming on. Sorry for rambling. Love you. Love your blog.
OMG, it’s so nice to know I’m not alone out here! … that other people are losing it too! I always tell my husband if we’re ever in a situation where I don’t introduce him, it’s because I can’t for the life of me remember the person’s name. So he extends his hand and says, “Hi, I’m Jim. Nice to meet you” and I say, “Oh, I’m so sorry. How rude of me; I forgot to introduce you.” LOL.
Chanukah/Hanukkah begins the night before Thanksgiving, so I’d defintely make sure to get in on the action … 8 nights of gifts! This year, we Jews are calling it Thanksgivukkah: 8 days of light, liberty and latkes! Hanukkah won’t fall on Thanksgiving again for 70,000 years, so why not get in on the action??? Consider yourself officially adopted into our Jewish family!
I’m so buying a Menorah this week! Rock on. Latkes for everyone.
I have the SAME agreement with my husband. Too funny!
OMG, you just described me! As soon as I turned 50 I got stupid. Can’t even multi-task in my own kitchen or shower anymore. Who am I? Where am I? Lucy, I think it’s all downhill from here! Everything you write I can relate to. You even make me laugh when you make me cry. Best blog ever!!!
You just made me laugh with that shout out to that old episode of I Love Lucy! I’ll be in the middle of making a very important point, when I can no longer remember what that point is. But I know it was important. That’s why I was building it up. Pathetic!
I forgot, “What am I?”! I can remember all the old, useless stuff too, but short term memory is nowhere to be found. I meet someone and immediately forget their name and follow-up the intro by saying, “Please don’t feel bad if I have to ask a few more times.” I am forever standing somewhere wondering what I needed to do there. I hope it’s just that we’re pre-occupied. If not, we better start making reservations at the home!
Parri, I look forward to your blog every day- seriously! I think you’ve found your calling….
Thank you so much, Steph. I feel like this is my calling to. All I’ve ever wanted is to make people laugh … whether on a stage or from behind a typewriter. If I could do both and make a living at at, I would die a happy woman!
Oh Dear!! I can so relate! Laughed out loud at the last 4 lines!! Keep on writing and try not to forget that your loyal followers rely on your words to make us laugh … At least, I think we do….. 🙂 Jello anyone?
I’m getting so bad at this too. My dad used to call of his sons Bubby, that way he never had to actually remember our names. Now we all call each other byu the order of birth … Bubby number five to bubby number 2. Sometimes, I actually will sit in my office at work and think, gee, I need to send a memo to …. what’s her name. You know, the person you share an office with and report to. As my feet and legs become number with neuropathy I wonder if my brain is becoming numb too.
But you, you I remember. These posts make me laugh and brighten my day and let me know I am not alone.
I was going to write something… but I forgot. But I can sing all the lyrics to our Sing songs and I can really do well at Jeopardy… but what site am I on again?
Thanks for making me laugh! I’m having a frustrating day at work, and I needed that! By the way, I know every sing lyric, too. We can have a concert if there’s ever another reunion. Together, together, we must blend together, for one better N——Y——c—————-!
You just need to shake your head and clear that funny mind of yours. Everyone forgets and because there is so much publicity on getting older, we worry about everything.
I know, right? Between that brain tumor I made up for that professor and all the play Alzheimer’s gets, I’m always worried the loss of my mind is right around the corner!
Could be worse. My mom once went through the names of every other kid AND the dog before she found the name of the kid she was yelling at… 🙂 Sadly, I’m starting to understand exactly how that happens. But I’m still refusing to face the fact that I’m getting to be almost as old as my niece and nephew once thought I was. I still blame all of those moments on sleep deprivation and my two young girls. I figure I can get away with blaming them for at least the next 18 years. I guess then I’ll just have to break down and admit that I’m older than dirt.
We still remember we HAVE daughters. That has to count for something!
Oh yes ….. This is me all over! Like a couple of nights ago. I asked my husband if it rained on his way home from work…..I left the room, did something in the kitchen, came back and asked him the same question again. He looked at me like I was possessed and said “either you don’t listen to me or there is something seriously wrong with you”.. But I too can also still hear all those sitcom theme songs, jingles and other useless stuff jammed in my brain.
OMG, I do that too! I can’t remember asking Jim and Danielle questions I asked them two minutes ago. Dolores, want to be my roommate at the home?
Wear you cpap machine for your sleep apnea every night for a week, I bet you will feel much better
This is so me, I’ve actually lost my glasses and had not one, but two pair on my head, and asked my son if he saw my glasses! And this has happened more than once. You should see the look on my son’s face when I’m having a conversation in my head with myself, he asks me a question, and I say some random comment having to do with what I was thinking.
My Gram used to do that. She used to have a conversation in her head and then say something like “Can you believe that?” as if we all knew what she was talking about. She couldn’t remember that she hadn’t voiced her thoughts, so none of us had a clue what she was talking about. Dear God, I have that gene too. I just know that’s going to be me.
Love it!! Low Thyroid is my excuse and sure enough, at each endocrinologist appt., my dosage is upped! (Thank god my next appt. is Monday, Andrew is coming home for his 2 week visit soon and I’ll have to introduce him to the new people I’ve met in the past three months!!)
I’ve been calling this sort of thing “mommy brain”, and recently someone told me that since my kids are now 9, 6 and 4, I can no longer use that excuse anymore.
What? why not? They’re STILL HERE aren’t they? And I am very sorry dearies, but every time you make mommy watch Dora, Bubble Guppies or Power Rangers — she loses 3 IQ points.
If they would let me finish a complete sentence with the hubby, those few moments of actual intellectual conversation (now that we are past that “does this poop look normal?” stage) might actually help restore my lost intelligence. but no. It’s all about them. 🙂
Come to think of it, I may actually be looking forward to wandering lost around the neighborhood in my pj’s and slippers, singing Kung Fu Fighting, but conveniently forgetting my name and address. ha!
Haha so true, I remember the first ten elements on the periodic table but I will open the fridge and stare into it…must be different parts of the brain!
HA! I’m always wandering along behind the little animals. I’m so glad you posted about this topic. It’s so reassuring to know I’m not alone! 😉
You’re not alone! Even the dog walks away when it’s a story she’s heard a thousand times already!
Brilliant! It helps to know I’m not the only one who thinks they’re losing their marbles.
Thanks for an entertaining read, I got here via sothenstories.com and will be coming back again 🙂
Thanks so much for finding me! On a more serious note, I’m reading a book by Dr. Daniel Amen called “Use Your Brain to Change Your Age,” and it has lots of fantastic tips and advice on how to make your mind young again and stave off dementia!
HA! So funny! And me too! I can recall the most useless info and lyrics — but themore critical stuff? Not so much! I laughed out loud at your line about knowing the Kung Fu Fighting lyrics!
Maybe we can sing it together at our next reunion!
Here my dear… maybe this will help. You sound exhausted! lol. I forget pretty much everything important but like you can remember cereal commercials from the 70’s.
http://sleepfoundation.org/how-sleep-works/how-much-sleep-do-we-really-need
Thanks for reminding me! I just finished Dr. Daniel Amen’s book Change Your Brain to Change Your Age, and he stresses that adults need 8 hours of sleep and teens more than that for a healthy mind!
Stress causes that plus other things like our memory banks get fuller as we age. I found playing WOW gave my brain a huge boost.
WOW … I’ll have to check that out. Thanks! What is it?
I am forever opening the refrigerator and going “What did I want in here?”
Welcome to my world. All of the sweet and salty snacks have voices, too!
Oh lord you are signing my song!!!! I was at lunch with my kids when I saw a boy and his mom. The kid smiled at me and said hi, so I said hi. Then I looked at my kid and said, who is that?
Mom, that is Ryan. The same Ryan you have known for 10 years.
Oh, hold on one minute then
Why.
I better say hi to his mom, I just walked past her and I already forgot her name at open school night so she is really going to think I’m nuts.
Mom, you are nuts.
Yes, you are singing my song!
OMG, I’m so glad I’m not the only one. We’re too young for this, Kathy. TTYL. I’ve gotta go buy some fish oil!
Parri, I think your daughter is taking a page out of my daughter’s book. Yes, my kid has the same reaction whe I ask her, “Who sings this.”. Except my kid won’t even tell me the answer. She’ll punish me for daring to ask for the 2nd time (or 3rd or 4th or 5th). She’ll say, “Ug, you ask me every time this song comes on! I am not answering you!” (usually the answer is The Fray, or she’ll make me guess – the torture). The other day at a school event one of the dads came up to me and started chatting like we had known each other for years. I had NO IDEA who he was, only that he looked a bit familiar and that his kid was probably in drama with my kid. Finally my hubs came over and the “stranger” introduced himself…when I heard his name I wanted to bonk myself on the head. Of course I knew him…so embarrassed that I forgot. See Parri, you are not alone!
I am SO RELIEVED to know I’m not alone. Should I reserve you a spot at the home? At least I’ll have a friend there! That is, if I remember you!
I used to have no problem remembering people’s name. Now if I am introduced to somebody, I forget their name almost instantly.Scary! And don’t worry, my daughter reacts the same way when I ask her who sings a song!! “Mom, you ask me every time you hear this song!”